The year two business party/Nick's leaving do (off to London)

Halo the Gloucester road was again the site of Wolfirdge Limited's annual blow out in Oct. This year the business anniversary co-insided with a personal move to London for Nick plus a product launch. It was the first airing for Lash Funnels. To see the video click here. A funnel if you didn't know, is a 'rapid hydration device' (RHD).....or rudimentary plumbing combined with kitchen ware which cunningly (using gravity) forces quantities of liquid at speed into willing participant/participants. For the first outing I had made a double headed funnel.....convinced of my master craftsmanship (Dad helped! FML) and hero status with mesh media (Dad filmed promo! FML)....I hadn't really done a testing other than a couple of lab tests....in bathrooms and kitchens. Therefore when over loaded with beer and around drunk people the funnel didn't fail safe! I ended up with a funnel of beer over my head and soon at loggerheads with the participant who mistakenly had blamed my wonder of engineering. I soon admitted defeat and thankfully I was rescued by a Waterpolo playing plummer (how many of those actually exist, I wonder?). In less than 10 mins he managed to make my funnel idiot proof and more effective at discharging liquid than a Peruvian watercannon. We were back in the game! I managed to not remember much more of that evening being told later that I had walked out at 2am with a bottle of Moet from the bar manager for a job well done! HOOOOORAHHHHHAAARRRRR! Watch this space for more Funnels currently working alongside another Plummer to commercially crack into the market for RHDs!

They'll certainly be a a info piece on making a funnel next month from The Lash! Keep an eye on The Lash Website

The Lash goes to The Weddings

Unfortunately I'm not as proficient at wedding etiquette....and tend to forget that Weddings are the ones that normal people turn up to. It's not the done thing to do hand stands on the dance floor or licking spirits of peoples faces!

At Weddings if your the wrong side of 25, single + athletic this means your in the armed forces....unfortunately middle class categorization never really work for me ....I work with Kids and publish treatise on Drinking Games. For me no category exists so I'm on the table with the students, wanna be legal killers (usually my cousin Tim) and a bit too young 'do be careful NOT to talk to nick' members of the family. Generally it's a huge over site by the wedding planner! I tend to stir up some overly loud game or instigate high jinx with exactly the type of guests on my table that love it!

At Johns wedding I didn't need to encourage anything I was in Lash heaven...highlights included head stands on the dance floor, doing the lake scene in Dirty Dancing with a Cavalry Officer (me catching him), challenging people to 'Strawpedo-Offs' at the bar, chinning Turbo Vinto with my Dad and chatting up a very busty bar maid behind the tent....after leaving the bar maid (you can imagine just how bad my chat was) I headed to the coach...and then as they say in Sweet Home Alabama 'the music died'.....apparently (I can only recount from other witness statements in the cold light of day) the coach included more sobber people than I, so me rocking-up with two bottles of 'father-of-the-bride-wine' and chinning half at bottle at the front was not a good first introduction to the coach...neither was singing songs that should have been forgotten the day I stepped of my last university sport bus, plus later, offering my dad off for a fight. I really can't remember much as I didn't leave the coach with two bottles of wine (I can deduce that).....I WAS IN DISGRACE! So the next day I made the necessary phone calls to the Groom (who had told me to “shut the fuck up” on the evening but noted that it was funny when you (i.e. me) offered 'Peacy' (my dad) off the coach for a fight). I later wrote a letter of apology to the father of the bride (throwing myself and my family name on their mercy) who was a great sport and wrote back as part of his letter “we were prepared for a degree of high spirits (and weren't disappointed)”. Legend.

At Robs Wedding I realized that I'm actually encouraged to drink by my pariah like status. It's like a two fingers up to the olds/establishment. When there are loads of young people I under achieve on the lash. I was very happy with the drinking games at the pub (thanks to Mel and Jack) where we played Down The River but this left me in no fit state to last out the night and I sloped off into the darkness of the Gloucestershire countryside to walk the three miles back to my parents house. I had offered everyone back to mine...which just before a fantastic groom speech appeared a desperate cry for company in bed! The bestman speech was also classic employing props and a photo of Rob 'the fat mouse' naked at SGP.

I must end by saying that although I'm giving you one sided story here, the other was two fantastic days of memorable moments and all very romantic. YUK!

Please invite me to another I swear I've changed.......!!!

Really?

Next up G and Oli, oh dear!!! I do love to see the look in a mans eyes as they get sent down...haha!

G recently said to me “I want a nice stag do....where I don't have to chin stuff”....I said “don't think you get to decide G”. I then suggested that he'd need to 'Enema' (fluid suppository taken via the anus) some spirits on the Stag....he didn't look happy!

Want to know some games to instigate at a wedding click here

A summer 'to be and not to be' forgotten....

I've been rather rubbish at updating this blog of recent....I'm a fair weather blogger that is to say if it's fair weather I'm not inside!

Therefore this is a resumè of a summer led by Lash!

Notable for two Stag dos one in Worcester and one at The Secret Garden Party....Oh and the subsequent weddings!

One I'd describe as a gentleman weekend and the other as three days of dark sadistic debauchery.....both were colored by fancy dress, drinking games and a fixation on smashing in outrageous dance moves.

The Stag in Worcester

Let's cover Worcester, it was late June....wasn't my idea of an ideal location for a Stag do but on the plus side.... my brother lives there so stashing kit was easy. Nevertheless, I had opted to pay for hotel even though could have stayed at my Bros. LESSON 1: always ensure you 100% committed! Having his house near did mean that I could add extreme sports to the stag lash so i decided to dehydrate myself nicely (+ cure my hangover on way back) via cycling from Bristol to Worcester to start the Weekend....all very pleasant! You're thinking: “didn't you go out in Lycra?” Well no, I'd given clothes to my Dad take up....if I had thought about it this was a bad idea if he was buying into the whole Stag banter! However imagination was clearly lacking as to my surprise I turned up and was handed the very clothes I'd given him and not a gimp suit or Alice in Wonderland costume. I did get loads of gay jibs about wearing a wife beater that weekend.....anyway drinking games that were played were Titanic Pg 108 of The Lash (buy The Lash) and the ever present Arrogance Pg 26 (buy The Lash). My highlights were Bushwackers night club where I've never been so mobbed by women plus JP (the stag) winning the shooting in the middle of the Cotswolds dress as a saucey Nun (completely wrong with a massive hairly chest)

Want an event for your stag Do? Click here for more info

The Secret Garden Party Stag

This was a stroke of genius....all your mates (well, not really mine but I'd been invited along! After what we collectively went through I had made some new ones!) in a mindlessly absurd festival inhabited by fit well spoken and polite women were leisure activities generally were colored by roller disco, mud wrestling, swimming in a lake, swinging off vines into a ball pit (Jungle Massive!), dancing, doing hand stands and behaving like a monkey.....obviously mostly powered and/or in the search of alcohol! We had a group of 20-30 lads, so our camping area (at what is a small unique festival) would have put Xerxes' caravan on the invasion of Greece to shame. Therefore of course i was flying the flag with The Lash 12 ft Banner marking out our place. I did managed to make a few sales in the 30-35 minutes over 3 days my head realized I was in a Cambridgeshire field with a captive party market!

The Stag on the trip was Mr Grubb and I think Jack most accurately described him as a “riot shield” in your face and indestructible! This meant carnage for all involved. On the first day he was dress as a fox, and us, as hunters. We were charged with chasing him around the festival...when caught he was subjected to a funnel (via vuvuzela) and beaten......I found him many hours later like a mangy fox hiding in some random camping area, he had chain marks round his neck and hadn't been to sleep all night...slurring and making friends!!! arrrh....

Some of my favorite moments were Rob naked (well being forced to in front of the whole festival) because his wife to be was phoning him....
Rob coming out dressed as something between Greek warrior and He Man.....
Notable other fancy dress heros were The Joker, Unicorn come Angler Fish and The Crocodile along with to many others to mention....

There was also the Hatter Tea....which needs no explanation here....we like to keep it clean.

All in all a fantastic festival...I strongly recommend for a stag!

Want an event for your stag Do? Click here for more info

Chundered everywhere!

My attention as been raise to the comparison between Gap Yar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKFjWR7X5dU&playnext_from=TL&videos=WuxYisq5hBU

and what I used to discribe as The Cunder Rugga Bugga that the Lash was mockingly providing for:

check out Kerian bunder on The drinking games test evening:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EuKFioZt2qE

Seemly bundering everywhere isn't new! BIG NIGHT ON THE LASH!

Nick

The Lash in Laos

Found out that The Lash has been spotted in Laos!

I recently went to my cousins birthday (Laura Graham) in London…there were many of her friends from Leed Uni prensent. I of course was a shrinking violent when it came to telling them about my book! lol. “By the way do you know I’m a famous author etc….!!!

Anyway one of the girls went off traveling and on Jan the 7th the following was posted on my cousin facebook wall

“hello you!! in sydney now and melbourne soon. had christmas in perth which was especially good, and thailand/laos were incredible but now a distant memory. definite highlight was tubing for a number of reasons; i shall divulge further…. biggest news to pass along is that whilst in laos sitting on a slow boat, a boy was telling me about this awesome book he got given for christmas called ‘the lash’. big lovexxx”
- Joanna Cook to Laura Graham 7/01/10 1.30pm.

How very random! I didn’t know the lash had gone that big!

World Cup drinking game

Sorry haven't been bloggin for a while to much business of drinking!

Here's a lovely little one for those that are enjoying The World Cup

The Lash’s World Cup Drinking Game
***************************
Brief description: Use the rules below to make a drinking game out of any World Cup game this summer!

Number of players: As many as you like.

Situation: Watching any game at The 2010 South African World Cup Finals.

Drinks needed: Any, but plenty of them! It’s best to get a few pints in so you don’t have to leave to order more. Trust me you’ll get through it all playing this game!

Difficulty: Easy

Intoxication level: High/Extreme

Shelf life: A whole tournament of lash

Playing
*****
Pick any player in any position on either team.

This is now your player for the game unless a red card, substitution or injury intervenes (in which case you simply pick another player)

You can have the same player as someone else playing the drinking game, it doesn’t matter.

General Rules
**********
First 45 minutes you must drink with your left hand/second 45 minute right hand drinking.

Everyone drinks if the camera goes to some famous person in the crowd (whether or whether not you know them) or focuses on the manager or team staff

If your player makes a foul or transgression drink half your drink.

If your player scores and is:
A goal keeper you order a 4 pint pitcher (of lager/cider) and finish it in one.
A Defender you finish all your drink.
A Midfielder/Striker half your drink.

Drink if your player takes a throw in/corner/free kick/penalty.

If your player is subbed/injured and has to leave the field of play finish your drink and pick another player.

Red card: finish your drink and pick another player.

Yellow carded finish half your drink.

When your player is on the ball you need to be downing your drink until they relinquish possession.

Everyone takes a drink every time the ref blows his whistle.

Half your drink if your player protest to the refereeing team (refere/linesman/3rd official).

Drink if you player berates another team member.

Drink if you player is involved in a goal celebration (i.e jumping on another player/congratulating/hugging etc.)

Rule on players positions
******************
1. Goal keepers

Drink when they make a save.

Drink when they have a goal kick.

Start downing your drink when they have the ball in their hands and only stop when they release the ball.

Drink if they punch the ball.

2. Defenders

Have a drink when they knock the ball out of play

Make a tackle.

Head the ball away from goal.

Hoof the ball up field.

3. Midfielders

Drink if they complete a pass to a team mate.

Drink half your drink if they give away possession via being tackled, making an incomplete pass or sending the ball out of play.

4. Strikers

Drink when they have an attempt on goal (even if it isn’t actually on target).

Half your drink if they dive or simulate.

Half your drink if they are caught offside.

The Year one Party in Oct 2009

The Lash launch night for The Lash was Oct 10th 2008 so in 2009 I wanted to go bigger and better! The venue was smaller, yes (Halo, Gloucester Rd Bristol) but if packed would it would rock! I had an awesome D-step/Deep house Dj called Bevan Ward of thinkdeeprecords. As promo for the night i'd made the first two hours request music via a charity text juke box. This ensured everyone got something they wanted to hear for £1 per song to NSPCC before Bevan dropped some heavy bass and the R&B destiny child crew started winging! The text juke box was a success with over 30 songs texted in. What wasn't such a success was my speed learnt roady skills. I borrowed the sound system Bevan plugged his CCJs into from a DJ friend who was unfortunately for me in Hawaii. I hired a amp which had 'male' (male are a fitting that goes in and 'female' a receptacle) leads coming out of it and it was sod law that Bevan CCJs had 'male' fittings and I had a massively gay situationo on my hand that meant we couldn't run the central speaker. I ran around like a crazy man up and down gloucester road explaining the situation to every pub DJ I could find. After the 3rd funny man had said the now familar "male to male adapter that's a bit gay"! I'd had enought I launched the music after a brief thanks to everyone for coming. Fucking hell did they come! There must have been 120 odd people at one point during the night which in a 60-100 person venue is fuckin rammed! I'd asked everyone that had contributed to the book to sign a very special copy that went to the winner of the text juke box competition. I was gutted this was actually the person with the worst taste in music there. James Mash hang your head in shame! I hadn't realized but as the night was going so swimmingly my credit was good at the bar! O'dear this meant Leffe by the pint! Everyone seemed to be having a top night, i'd even managed to set the night on the Ceran (a previous International school employer) reunion and thus there were loads of european languages intermingling with the untranslatable Bristolian! After getting suitably fuct i had a team of helpers strip out the sound equipment and take it back to mine. The perfect crime! The night had been a great success and I'd covered my cost + raised £40 for NSPCC....little did I know but my night wasn't over and it was to include later a dead animal fancy dress party which I spilled out of as the sun was coming up! Legendary!

The Lash in London

I recently went to my cousins birthday (Laura Graham) in London. There were many of her friends from Leed Uni present (medical students) . This was a fuckin' awesome trip to see 'Lady in Black' at a West London Theatre. I soon had found my solemate, 6ft 4inch and where in Jerry street shirt! His name was Jezza and he knew how to lash! We hit up the free ambrosia (free wine) left by the girls how were over eager to make the theatre on time. I can't make a critic on the show as I could bearly make out the stage through my drunken haze!

Later on we returned to Laura Hampsted pad (talk about the student experience!) Most of the girls made an early exit to bed but there was an exception that out stayed your truely here name was Jo. I of course was a shrinking violent when it came to telling them about my book! lol. "By the way do you know I?m a famous author etc?.!!!?

Anyway Jo of the girls went off traveling and on Jan the 7th the following was posted on my cousin facebook wall

"hello you!! in sydney now and melbourne soon. had christmas in perth which was especially good, and thailand/laos were incredible but now a distant memory. definite highlight was tubing for a number of reasons; i shall divulge further?. biggest news to pass along is that whilst in laos sitting on a slow boat, a boy was telling me about this awesome book he got given for christmas called 'the lash'. big lovexxx?"

- Joanna Cook to Laura Graham 7/01/10 1.30pm. How very random! I didn?t know the lash had gone that big! Haha. Thanks Jo

The Lash is now an international seller!