The year two business party/Nick's leaving do (off to London)

Halo the Gloucester road was again the site of Wolfirdge Limited's annual blow out in Oct. This year the business anniversary co-insided with a personal move to London for Nick plus a product launch. It was the first airing for Lash Funnels. To see the video click here. A funnel if you didn't know, is a 'rapid hydration device' (RHD).....or rudimentary plumbing combined with kitchen ware which cunningly (using gravity) forces quantities of liquid at speed into willing participant/participants. For the first outing I had made a double headed funnel.....convinced of my master craftsmanship (Dad helped! FML) and hero status with mesh media (Dad filmed promo! FML)....I hadn't really done a testing other than a couple of lab tests....in bathrooms and kitchens. Therefore when over loaded with beer and around drunk people the funnel didn't fail safe! I ended up with a funnel of beer over my head and soon at loggerheads with the participant who mistakenly had blamed my wonder of engineering. I soon admitted defeat and thankfully I was rescued by a Waterpolo playing plummer (how many of those actually exist, I wonder?). In less than 10 mins he managed to make my funnel idiot proof and more effective at discharging liquid than a Peruvian watercannon. We were back in the game! I managed to not remember much more of that evening being told later that I had walked out at 2am with a bottle of Moet from the bar manager for a job well done! HOOOOORAHHHHHAAARRRRR! Watch this space for more Funnels currently working alongside another Plummer to commercially crack into the market for RHDs!

They'll certainly be a a info piece on making a funnel next month from The Lash! Keep an eye on The Lash Website

The Lash goes to The Weddings

Unfortunately I'm not as proficient at wedding etiquette....and tend to forget that Weddings are the ones that normal people turn up to. It's not the done thing to do hand stands on the dance floor or licking spirits of peoples faces!

At Weddings if your the wrong side of 25, single + athletic this means your in the armed forces....unfortunately middle class categorization never really work for me ....I work with Kids and publish treatise on Drinking Games. For me no category exists so I'm on the table with the students, wanna be legal killers (usually my cousin Tim) and a bit too young 'do be careful NOT to talk to nick' members of the family. Generally it's a huge over site by the wedding planner! I tend to stir up some overly loud game or instigate high jinx with exactly the type of guests on my table that love it!

At Johns wedding I didn't need to encourage anything I was in Lash heaven...highlights included head stands on the dance floor, doing the lake scene in Dirty Dancing with a Cavalry Officer (me catching him), challenging people to 'Strawpedo-Offs' at the bar, chinning Turbo Vinto with my Dad and chatting up a very busty bar maid behind the tent....after leaving the bar maid (you can imagine just how bad my chat was) I headed to the coach...and then as they say in Sweet Home Alabama 'the music died'.....apparently (I can only recount from other witness statements in the cold light of day) the coach included more sobber people than I, so me rocking-up with two bottles of 'father-of-the-bride-wine' and chinning half at bottle at the front was not a good first introduction to the coach...neither was singing songs that should have been forgotten the day I stepped of my last university sport bus, plus later, offering my dad off for a fight. I really can't remember much as I didn't leave the coach with two bottles of wine (I can deduce that).....I WAS IN DISGRACE! So the next day I made the necessary phone calls to the Groom (who had told me to “shut the fuck up” on the evening but noted that it was funny when you (i.e. me) offered 'Peacy' (my dad) off the coach for a fight). I later wrote a letter of apology to the father of the bride (throwing myself and my family name on their mercy) who was a great sport and wrote back as part of his letter “we were prepared for a degree of high spirits (and weren't disappointed)”. Legend.

At Robs Wedding I realized that I'm actually encouraged to drink by my pariah like status. It's like a two fingers up to the olds/establishment. When there are loads of young people I under achieve on the lash. I was very happy with the drinking games at the pub (thanks to Mel and Jack) where we played Down The River but this left me in no fit state to last out the night and I sloped off into the darkness of the Gloucestershire countryside to walk the three miles back to my parents house. I had offered everyone back to mine...which just before a fantastic groom speech appeared a desperate cry for company in bed! The bestman speech was also classic employing props and a photo of Rob 'the fat mouse' naked at SGP.

I must end by saying that although I'm giving you one sided story here, the other was two fantastic days of memorable moments and all very romantic. YUK!

Please invite me to another I swear I've changed.......!!!

Really?

Next up G and Oli, oh dear!!! I do love to see the look in a mans eyes as they get sent down...haha!

G recently said to me “I want a nice stag do....where I don't have to chin stuff”....I said “don't think you get to decide G”. I then suggested that he'd need to 'Enema' (fluid suppository taken via the anus) some spirits on the Stag....he didn't look happy!

Want to know some games to instigate at a wedding click here

A summer 'to be and not to be' forgotten....

I've been rather rubbish at updating this blog of recent....I'm a fair weather blogger that is to say if it's fair weather I'm not inside!

Therefore this is a resumè of a summer led by Lash!

Notable for two Stag dos one in Worcester and one at The Secret Garden Party....Oh and the subsequent weddings!

One I'd describe as a gentleman weekend and the other as three days of dark sadistic debauchery.....both were colored by fancy dress, drinking games and a fixation on smashing in outrageous dance moves.

The Stag in Worcester

Let's cover Worcester, it was late June....wasn't my idea of an ideal location for a Stag do but on the plus side.... my brother lives there so stashing kit was easy. Nevertheless, I had opted to pay for hotel even though could have stayed at my Bros. LESSON 1: always ensure you 100% committed! Having his house near did mean that I could add extreme sports to the stag lash so i decided to dehydrate myself nicely (+ cure my hangover on way back) via cycling from Bristol to Worcester to start the Weekend....all very pleasant! You're thinking: “didn't you go out in Lycra?” Well no, I'd given clothes to my Dad take up....if I had thought about it this was a bad idea if he was buying into the whole Stag banter! However imagination was clearly lacking as to my surprise I turned up and was handed the very clothes I'd given him and not a gimp suit or Alice in Wonderland costume. I did get loads of gay jibs about wearing a wife beater that weekend.....anyway drinking games that were played were Titanic Pg 108 of The Lash (buy The Lash) and the ever present Arrogance Pg 26 (buy The Lash). My highlights were Bushwackers night club where I've never been so mobbed by women plus JP (the stag) winning the shooting in the middle of the Cotswolds dress as a saucey Nun (completely wrong with a massive hairly chest)

Want an event for your stag Do? Click here for more info

The Secret Garden Party Stag

This was a stroke of genius....all your mates (well, not really mine but I'd been invited along! After what we collectively went through I had made some new ones!) in a mindlessly absurd festival inhabited by fit well spoken and polite women were leisure activities generally were colored by roller disco, mud wrestling, swimming in a lake, swinging off vines into a ball pit (Jungle Massive!), dancing, doing hand stands and behaving like a monkey.....obviously mostly powered and/or in the search of alcohol! We had a group of 20-30 lads, so our camping area (at what is a small unique festival) would have put Xerxes' caravan on the invasion of Greece to shame. Therefore of course i was flying the flag with The Lash 12 ft Banner marking out our place. I did managed to make a few sales in the 30-35 minutes over 3 days my head realized I was in a Cambridgeshire field with a captive party market!

The Stag on the trip was Mr Grubb and I think Jack most accurately described him as a “riot shield” in your face and indestructible! This meant carnage for all involved. On the first day he was dress as a fox, and us, as hunters. We were charged with chasing him around the festival...when caught he was subjected to a funnel (via vuvuzela) and beaten......I found him many hours later like a mangy fox hiding in some random camping area, he had chain marks round his neck and hadn't been to sleep all night...slurring and making friends!!! arrrh....

Some of my favorite moments were Rob naked (well being forced to in front of the whole festival) because his wife to be was phoning him....
Rob coming out dressed as something between Greek warrior and He Man.....
Notable other fancy dress heros were The Joker, Unicorn come Angler Fish and The Crocodile along with to many others to mention....

There was also the Hatter Tea....which needs no explanation here....we like to keep it clean.

All in all a fantastic festival...I strongly recommend for a stag!

Want an event for your stag Do? Click here for more info