Brother gets hitched and i get rich!

I've been riding bikes since i was 3 or 4 and during my 20s became miliantly anti-car. I've cycled from Bristol to Spain beefore just for the craic, plus kicked off a few wing mirrors in my time! So it was a monumental day on the 19th July when i finally succumbed and bought a Fiesta, apparently called 'Charlie' (bit weird talking about riding in charlie because i work with one!). I got it off a mate and before seeing it had ideas that it would be a rust bucket...so I'd made tentative enquires with a local graffiti artist to cover it in 'THE LASH' logo! However, to my surprise it turned out to be a little beauty and now i have plans to make it purrrrr by treating it to an oil change and t-cut bath. Check out new car:

Charlie has had an immediate impact on sales as it helped me reach those book shops that were a little too far to cycle to or those in need of more book than i could physically carry. Thus on Tuesday the 21st July I made sales at Waterstones (The Mall), Bloom and Curl (Broadmead) and Booty (Broadmead) on a petrol-driven Bristol sales tour.

The 24th and 25th July was huge for me and the family. I only really reasiled what my brother gettting married meant on the Friday ceremony walk-through. Pretty stirring stuff...to see the fear in a condemned man's eyes (JOKES - my brother is so laid back he's horizontal). I'd been put in charge of organising the bar (never think that being good at drinking qualifies a person to organise a piss up) Check out the booze bus:

Luckily I'm rather militant with organisation aswell, so there was no other hitch than my brother's. I did take the opporunity to use the management of the reception bar as a base from which to sell the book. EVEN ON YOUR BROTHERS WEDDING? yep! Sales is sales! They rolled in and i rolled out of the marquee like the drinking game 'amy-wine-hands'. My rapscallion ways had even taken up part of the best man speach when he said "When Nick came to me and offered me a pint to promote his book I said no way, but then when he offered me 3 pints...(Bestman produces book) "The Lash the bargain of the night is available at the bar!"

The following weekend i spent being Bristol'a'fied (Bristol as a city runs some great civic events for everyone to get battered at!). Harbour Festival Sat 1st Aug - talked crap French and drank green grenades. Balloon Fiesta Sat 8th Aug. Inbetween these events I have a shameful confession. Me and Nate (my housemate) headed out for the opening night of Dubb step vs. Jungle at the Dojo Lounge, Bristol. We found the lash on the way there:

We had arranged to meet Caroline; a girl i got talking to at the harbour fes. She's a teacher in the army who's on leave for a month. To cut a long story short after lots of drinks and dance floor action we ended up at what we thought was her flat. She showed us to the most prestigious spirits cabinet i've ever had the pleasure of witnessing! Then she basically bossed us under the table with a bottle of Jaeger, Raspberry vod. and Sambucca. I can't remember much else other than both me and Dog (Nate) offering our services to her before he passed out holding the toliet as though it was all that stopped him from falling off Everest and i went face down on her lounge floor in my own vom. GREAT! Anyways, it turns out this was her parent's house and they came down to two strangers passed out in their house. One of which (me) had kindly left them a bowl of vommit in the kitchen. Haha! We now refer to Caroline as Ma'am. as she deserves repect when it comes to drinking...I felt like taking all my copies of The Lash round hers and saying "You are now in charge!"

I've organised my year one for the business party - Check it out http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/event.php?eid=110446408940 But between then and now we have the little thing of FRESHERS!

St. Paul's Carnival

On friday the 3rd July I had been invited to the home of one of my P.T. Clients (I work for a gym when not trying to be Felix Dennis*). The beer was great and I'd forgotten what it was to be in non student (well young professional company) i.e. the beers were served in glasses that had been bought and not smuggled like E.T. (under that t-shirt) from a pub beer garden. Obligatory, was a copy of The Lash. This went to the Cousins of my Patron: Seelva and Sevahn, both at the end of their European 'vacation'.  Obviously banter with any Amercia is guns (i.e. our populace is not armed to the teeth) especially those from The South. Sevahn had said that her dad feared for her safety at university and so had suggested a gun....I now definitely fear for her safety with a gun and armed with a copy of The Lash. I'd love to have footage of Yee'ha (Pg. 53) played by Texans. Please post to 'Cabonca' (a.k.a me) on Utube!

*Millionaire owner of Dennis Publishing a.k.a. Maxim Mag. + PC Mags. Made his money strangly from being a Bruce Lee buff. 

Saturday. Bristol at it's best! Grimmy and out there. ST PAULS CARNIVAL!!!! If you've never been, it's a must to know what Bristol is all about.  I made my way down to Portland Sq. for 6ish in bright sunshine bottle of wine in one hand and copy of The Lash in the other.  Me and the peeps (the cast from the book + illustrator and assorted friends) sat together on the grass. As always I was on the Business...taking copies of the book over to other groups in the square.  I even boss out a game for some complete randoms using my wine as the fine. They must have thought WTF! MOst of the rest of the night is a blur....I managed to get my bag nicked (well i left it on the street and when returned it wasn't there), so someone in St. Paul's has 6 copies of The Lash and 100 flyers....hope they appreciate art (lol.), plus generally I spent the next 6-8 hours raving to Drum and Bass, eating Jurk* Chicken and swilling Red Stripe!

*A type of spiced flavoring from Jamaica

The following Wednesday 15th Saw me do a deal with Merchant news near the Youth Hostel and Arnolfini on the Water front.  The sell started well as I walked in a met at the counter a passed customer I'd randomly sold too in Bottoms Up on the Gloucester Rd.  It seemed to good to be true and I suspected the proprietor smelt a set up.  Cutting to the chase he took 10 copies after very little persuasion and even wanted flyers and posters.  So if your on Bristol Harbor side anytime soon get down Merchant News as it is the Cheapest place to get a copy of The Lash in the shops!

 

My brothers Stagg

If you had a brother that wrote the ultimate guide to getting battered you'd think you'd be more careful than to do anthing as silly as get married...but clearly love is blind! In any case with the group of so-called-friends that my brother knows his little brother was the least of his worries. The stagg do was to be in West Wales were we considered it hightly likely that the lovely welsh locals would love twenty or so English lads in fancy dress robbin' their women and drinking there pubs dry.

We rocked up at the Mexican Hostel (Pantyrathro International Hostel & Mexican Bar) near Carmarthen. The priporitors name was Ken Knuckles which rhymed with my brothers nickname buckles. The hostel was well set up for Stagg dos with stark large tables perfect for Lashing on (i.e. big with loads of chairs and old enough not worry about damaging). The first drinking game that evening was one not in The Lash which basiscally utilised the a kids game called Topple (comparible to Jenga) to which we added drinking fines. The stadard fine for making the game pieces topple was a half of cider. The stagg do duely assembled and we decided that we'd eat at the hostel before heading into town. It was a large group and so there was only one thing for it...The Animal Kingdom (see pg. 130 of The Lash). The last time I had bossed this out was on a 21st in Dublin in 2007. A hit then and a hit now..great banter and team dynamics building.

This certainly got things off to a flyer and soon people were buying outragous shots and we'd not even hit town. From what I can remember of Carmarthen that first night I had an awesome time...pulling girls onto the dance floor and dancing like on a podium in Ibiza.

Next day....nursing hangovers the kill or cure was coasteneering! Forget water, coffee, or some avocardo smoothy, jumping off rocks inot the Irish sea cannot be beaten for it's medicinal properties! Paintballing in the afternoon that day led to the traditional gauntel run for the stagg! At this moment I realised that my brotherly love for Bungle (a.k.a. Ba'ho/Simon) was more caring than I antisipated...it kicked in after three seconds which saw him take aproximately hundred paintballs at point blank range. In his compulsory Super Woman costume he looked like he had a particularly virrial skin complaint.

The Sat night of lash saw us play Group Three In A Row Coin Flip (see drinking games tab at http://www.thelash.eu/) This was a new one on me and a new great for any subsequent book. We were all dressed as superheroes and there were some magic appearences incl. Duff man, Iron Man and Banna Man. I made everyone take the obligitory promotional photos with The Lash banner and even Ken Knuckles wanted some of our action cracking out his camera. The highlight of the eveing was doing a superhero parade in a Whetherspoons judge by some local girls and having a dance off with army girl hen night in Savannahs. I managed to end the night shoeless, thunderbird outfit devestated, completely lost and on my own! I rank it as one of the best!

The Peak district is beautiful. I highly recommended to all. I was honored to be invited to the Wedding of Martin (family friend) and Annette in Buxton. There was loads of family and friends there and was a fab. event. I did feel like a impostor/'non-believer' having come with no 'date' and no real prospect of 'girlfriend' on horizon. Being married to The Lash doesn't really count so I was grouped with the expectable form of bachelor, those which are married to Her Majesties Armed Forces. So it was me, Andrew (Calvary: 9th/12th Royal Lancers (Prince of Wales)) and Dave (RAF) fighting of that fat curlery a haired thing with the bow....who seemed to be menacing the event! No single brides maids didn't help our cause!
Andrew started off a trend of ordering 'Moscow Mules': (Double Vodka , Ginger Beer and Angistira Bitters) which continued all night. He also taught me a few drinking games from the Calvary which; whilst he explained, I thought, how the fuck can normal people afford the volume and type of drink preposed! They're now jotted down for a day I'm not a poor entrepreneur! We hit-up the local night club suited and booted! I was the last to leave after trying my luck with a particularly fine (large in terms of of athletic build...I was out of my depth!) Polish girl. When I returned to my Hotel I found that I'd lost the key code for the night door...fuck! After a panic which turned me into a cat burglar and a walk half way round Buxton I was lucky enough to find myself tucked up in The Palace, Buxton (a very fine hotel) with Andrew the Calvary officer! Turning up at Breakfast in the same clothes I had gone to the Wedding in was particularly typical of me!

The old dog @ old boyz

The Last weekend of May saw my brother suit fitting (23 May) and another Downs (park in Bristol) mission. Unfortunately when you see every sunny day as an opportunity to promote in parks your running the risk of never enjoying a sunny day. So sunday night after my 112 miles on The Tour of Wessex I ensured I didn't promote but join my housemates in the chilled out surroundings of St. Andrews Park.
Weekend of 30/31st i returned to the roots in Olveston (a small village north of Bristol). People from Olveston are a little funny....there seems to be a massive magnet contained in the bell tower of the village church and every 'Olvestonian' is emplaned from birth with a piece of metal in their head. Consequently I saw many old friends.
The weekend of the 6th June is a biggy! Old boyz!!!! (check out the Utube video Old Boyz ) Chance to come back and live for one night only as the legend you once were! "FRANK THE TANK, FRANK THE TANK!!!"
Old boyz are commonly goaded with "Old nick would have done it!" and "We used to know you"
This was a huge business trip for me! I managed to get through 70 mins of Rugby with only minor facial reconfiguration. I saw Rugby Union (Thanks to Goffy) for a great promotional photo, Men's Footy (Thanks to ex-house mate Toby), Waterpolo (various connections) and Womens Rugby (via some ill-conceived sexual conquests). Jimmy (Ex 1st team capt.) had threatened to give me a shot of 'Unicum' (very nasty Baileys like drink) every time I mentioned the book. This went out of the window due to the sheer scale of my Lash Blasphemies. I did however get fined for leaving the court table to strip off my clothes with The Waterpolo capt. Kosh. Me and Kosh go back along way and our tour to Spain is the stuff of Uni legend...not bad for someone that can't even play Waterpolo!

Ouch! Bike crash and The Cider Chief

In the week after The Hill event I made a sale to a Stagg (no not a hoofed beast). Just imagine the scene "here best-man, the define guide to getting me battered!" either he wasn't entirely convinced his best-man was up to the job or the guy is a sadist. The bender that ensued took in Plymouth and Newquay twice over a 48 hour period...well done sir and best of luck
I am a self confessed cycle menace however before until Saturday 16th May I had only one other serious crash (careering into the back of a stationary VW Golf on a steep hill). My bike gets me everywhere as I don't have a car to call my own. For the most part it much quicker to get around than a car so it seems silly to invest in a slower form of transport. However it is f**kin dangerous and my wake up call last weekend proved it. I was going down Hill fast (you get 20-30mph on a top spec. racer when going downhill). I lent into a corner I've done a thousand times (not looking) and there was a car coming up, what was, due to park cars either side, a single lane road. I had no where to go than on the deck eventually ending up under the front of the car. Can't remember much other than jumping straight back up apologizing and heading on. Later I saw the damage. I'd split open my speed suit and gashed my left leg. Great! In true Casey fashion I decided to turn this mishap into jackass style entertainment stripping off in my flat kitchen pouring iodine on the wound (check out DIY nursing) whilst my housemates looked on...v. funny but I think I was in shock! I definitely when from high to low later as the usual happy KC (Casey) was like a Dementor* sucking the life out of the room when 209A had a visit from Cardiff Uni. Race Team ski team mover and shaker Gem Argyle. The prospect of a attractive Uni. sports girl especially one so connected is usually the cue for over the top marketing, s**t chat etc...but I was definitely off form and sent myself home from the pub. I was The Lash impostor!
*Ghost/Succubus type creature from Harry Potter, who sucks the souls from it's victims.
On Sunday psycho Peacy (a.k.a. dad) was good enough to pick me up from Halfords (bike was in a bad way after crash). I used the opportunity to do some debt collecting. Unhappy at the best of times, Peacy was over the moon to go on a merry dance around Bristol picking up outstanding book and event money. He was like uninterested version of Dog The Bounty Hunter abet with a ginger barnet. I' m sure he could see the irony as I owe him some big £ for help getting the book published (see Origins - A labour of Lash). Jimmy always said "Mummy bought you your company Poochy**" as he knew I was proud I did it myself..I suppose he was right I did borrow some money (a fraction of what I spent of creating The Lash and at a great interest rate! 0% forever!) and this is why I must make The Lash a success because I'd never forgive myself not paying it back ASAP.
**a term of endearment in The Birmingham Rugby League Club for me...Started on Brumski in 2005 by Stebbo a.k.a Nick Stebbings.
Didn't let the leg stop me training or getting the book out there. Picked up some posters for The Lash and continued taking sample copies round to local pubs. Now The Hill, The Sportsman and The Golden Lion all have a poster and free sample copy to give out to customer over the bar. If your reading this and know anywhere that would take a poster get in contact with me via the contact tab.
I've now sent off the book to W H Smith so see If we can win a slot on there Christmas promotional budget and also I'm hoping Kurki Sports Birmingham take some copies as I'd love the book in the place I learnt my trade...The heart of University Sport Birmingham. I've also just ordered some more copies from Lightening Source my printers so please get the summer Lash on and buy your copy now! (buy now The Lash £8.99 free P & P)
Last Thursday I joined the boyz at pro 5*** football is not really my thing (rugby boy, through and through) but it was a great opportunity to talk to some lads about The Lash. It was there I found myself talking to The Cider Chief. If I've every seen a sale this was it....a big lad - to say the least (but fair play, rocking out the footy) in a polo shirt that read "The Cider Chief, Chief, Chief". I was telling him about The Venus Lash trap (Venus Lash Trap) when it came round to my turn at the bar. I turned round without thinking and ordered a hot chocolate and half a larger. I could see the cider Chief was not impressed and my sale evaporated in front of my eyes!
***Five-a-side football at The Wise Campus, Filton College, Bristol

A week of promo.

Bank holiday Monday saw me undertake a 15 hour Spin at David Lloyd Westbury Bristol (my daytime employer) in aid of WellChild and in training for our crazy cycle event Ride of my life. I managed 12 hours with 'breaks' to take the Dl Kids for sports! Christopher Hole did the complete 15 hours Chris Hole The 10pm plunge pool after a day in the saddle was bliss! My diet as always was elite...Pt. Guinness and chocolate brownie, when will I learn!
tuesday was the UWE and Bristol Uni. Varsity game. An oppertunity to promote not to be missed. I cover my shifts and headed just up the road to the Memorial stadium filton Av. to wait for the student feeding frenzy. Base camp was Granma Remmingtons (my friend Gracey Gran) house just outside the ground. Granny was good enough to let me leave my bike at hers whilst me and Grace hit the streets...well literally out the front door and right 50 yards! It was v. cold but thanks to what I saw as a rather fetching cycling jacket I was tip top and warm (see Flyering at Varsity) Varsity was great but we decided that we liked UWE student more than Bristol...I do remember being that arrogant rugby cock at Birmingham Uni so I had a little more patience than Grace for The Cugga-Rugga-Buggers*!
*characterized by Jack Wills, Old Boy Ties, "Pipe down", "Chin it Fresher" and big hair!
On Wednesday I was shattered the Spin and Flyering had taken it's toll. My manager Andrew Dent had said "you're the ultimate burn the candles at both ends guy" and it was true I was maxin' out Team Casey**
**The name my close friends give me cos I seems to always be on a mission fit for a team of people
I still managed to make it in for my freelance kid work (teaching sports) where I was handed a gem of info by Sam the receptionist. A huge student night was in the offing at Proganda. I though fu*k it i'll be there and check out the craic. So when a early night was a prerequisite I found myself outside the well light Money Shop near syndicate night club trying to peddle my wears!
Thursday and Friday were a wash-out both work and weather-wise so the next Team Casey** outing was Saturday. I thought of heading up to The Downs again as it had been so productive the weekend before but i'd convinced myself it was too windy (I think really I needed a rest). Bollox. to that! I manned up made a few phone calls as was soon sat in the heart of student living (a student Halls in the centre of town) with a Guy called Flash, who has contact to The UWE Student President and also The White Heart let alone access to a massive party Hall of students! WHat a legend.... Whilst in the Hall did the most unscrupless bit of marketing corning some fresher in a lift...they had the whole ride down to listen to my spiel! After this I headed up to Clifton to see my friend Alex who birthday it was...I was very pleased to see my illustrator Lucy Lucy Oldfield's Website (Check out her website she's fantastic! We ended up at the Old Duke pub on Welshback which that night was a bit 'edgy' as apparently there had been quite a lot of thievery before we got there.
Sunday was the big Day The Hill Lash. I was shitting it as I'd put so much effort into organizing and promoting. It wasn't exactly the huge promo. event hoped for but the thing that gave me heart was it was great to see my friend out in force. Ruth Pullin who has number 1 copy of The Lash even emailed me after the event with a well though out marketing ploy...you can't put a price on friends like that. Check out The legendary Lash Case Race
Next time: Wake up call for The Bristol Cycle menace as nick crashes his bike at high speed.