Last book is sold

It's a sad day for this author....i've sold my the last copy of the Lash....well gave it away to a friend/college leaving for america! (a his girlfriend said she had already seen a copy at Plymouth Uni) The the only copies of The Lash remaining are 2nd hand from amazon or ordering new copies on print per sale. Had loads of fun and like Van Gogh i'm sure this work of art will be appeciated more outside of this time....22nd Century antiques deal: "Yes...this is fine example of casey early works!...of course in those day they used there hand to actually open books...strange now with the data base learning uploads to the brain at birth"haha.For those that bought the Lash enjoy! Sales will now soley be made through Amazon + WH Smiths...

check out this clapham night out http://tiny.cc/dvq7u

Clapham Lash'tastic!!!

July 23rd saw my first event in London....

I rode in on the back of Alex (my housemate) and Jens charity fund raising evening. The Lash was there to provide drinking games support....getting everyone smash! However with the drinking lemmings likely to be there i

knew it would be damage limitation.

Me and Gem (misses) had been to Bristol and were coming off the back of a big one on the Gloucester Rd the night before...being sadists we'd also put in a run that day to ensure we were ripe for the f**king that evening...no hydration.

Fancy dress was 'shoulders up' so sunnies, hats, make up etc. We'd decided to go as rugby players complete with black eyes, scrum hats and bloody noses. I'd convinced myself that I was JJ De Boar (South African boar rugby player!!) and Gem was Priscilla (his arranged marriage from the next farm (80miles away))...that evening we were destined to be together and king and queen of Clapham.

I knew that the star of the show bag puss (a stuffed toy cat with pipe for funneling!) would also be in situ...

Alex was MC for the evening...a job he was literally born to do.....we set up beer pong on a table football table and gauntlet on the floor. A few non combatants were early victims on the Gauntlet.

There was 50 - 60 people over the evening and the Beer Pong was a massive hit with crowd participation....

Bag puss also got in on the action when it came to arrogance...I'm not sure why i'd spent last year designing a building a scientific funnel as a charity shop cat and a clear pipe is an improvement!

Had a great night and ended up leaving for Belgium Bar Belgos were the doormen immediately regretted letting us in!! I had a dance off with a gay guy...not recommended they will call your bluff with some backing in!! Plus drank beers that were far to strong for the pickle I'd got myself into.....

Next stop Swansea Hen Do......

New Blog..the Lash is bk http://ping.fm/N2olx

Back in Business

The Lash is back

Nick is back from the brink and now it's time to rejuvenate the Lash...This means donning the Engineering hat for building funnels and creating mayhem in London.

The move to london hasn't been easy. I nearly lost myself in Mordor (Mordon) at the hands of a dictorial South American House Wife (note how i gave title with capitals. This is a position not to be messed with). You do not know fear until you have experienced daily phycological torture at the hand of an OCD house wife!!

Any way back and having fun....The Allnut Way....found my new house via Gum Tree. Let me illusinate you as to the best way to find a new housemate...instead of doing loads of boring viewing that take up loads of time and follow the same pattern of becoming an amateur estate agent my new house mate instead opted for throwing a huge party come big brother style interview bash.

How it works

1. Put advert on Gum Tree for well priced house in sort after london location

2. invite all responses to 9pm 'viewing' friday. Tell them to bring bottle of wine/beer.

3. Invite all your friends

4. Behave completely as though your process of finding a housemate is completely normal

5. Get smashed and try and discern who you already know and who is her to see the house.

Well done Abi, Lou and Alex for such a novel process.

The experience from my end....

1) Seen loads of freaks across london.

2) No picture of house but description is gutsy. Just a description of what an ideal housemate would like....'gin and adventure' resonates with me

3. Ok so these people must work late that they can only see me 9pm on a friday...ok I can deal with that.

4. Get half cut and turn up late with a bottle of Leffe and Wine to what can only be described as a ram jammed house party.

5. Behave naturally when complete randomer opens door.

6. Do not a=panic when after an hour you haven't found anyone that actually lives at the property.

Anyway being a drinking games expert certainly helps when your at a house party and you want to mark yourself out.

I COULD NOT HAVE HOPED TO FIND BETTER HOUSEMATES.

Now I can play D&B, have baths in peace and talk shit all the time!!!

Anyway I've come a very long way round to say that I have a belated house warming party on the 23rd of July (at a pub)...it will also be the return to society for The Lash. The Lash is not bashful and The ingeniously entitled Lash Bash will see it back to it bastered best...

Check out http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=104857649607573 for our next event.

The first luck win is recieving their free book to get your simple write me a review here http://tiny.cc/mxhe3

Win a free copy of The Lash - Drinking games book. All I need is your feedback!

http://ping.fm/kjW41

Testing my Ping.fm Mesh media.....

The year two business party/Nick's leaving do (off to London)

Halo the Gloucester road was again the site of Wolfirdge Limited's annual blow out in Oct. This year the business anniversary co-insided with a personal move to London for Nick plus a product launch. It was the first airing for Lash Funnels. To see the video click here. A funnel if you didn't know, is a 'rapid hydration device' (RHD).....or rudimentary plumbing combined with kitchen ware which cunningly (using gravity) forces quantities of liquid at speed into willing participant/participants. For the first outing I had made a double headed funnel.....convinced of my master craftsmanship (Dad helped! FML) and hero status with mesh media (Dad filmed promo! FML)....I hadn't really done a testing other than a couple of lab tests....in bathrooms and kitchens. Therefore when over loaded with beer and around drunk people the funnel didn't fail safe! I ended up with a funnel of beer over my head and soon at loggerheads with the participant who mistakenly had blamed my wonder of engineering. I soon admitted defeat and thankfully I was rescued by a Waterpolo playing plummer (how many of those actually exist, I wonder?). In less than 10 mins he managed to make my funnel idiot proof and more effective at discharging liquid than a Peruvian watercannon. We were back in the game! I managed to not remember much more of that evening being told later that I had walked out at 2am with a bottle of Moet from the bar manager for a job well done! HOOOOORAHHHHHAAARRRRR! Watch this space for more Funnels currently working alongside another Plummer to commercially crack into the market for RHDs!

They'll certainly be a a info piece on making a funnel next month from The Lash! Keep an eye on The Lash Website

The Lash goes to The Weddings

Unfortunately I'm not as proficient at wedding etiquette....and tend to forget that Weddings are the ones that normal people turn up to. It's not the done thing to do hand stands on the dance floor or licking spirits of peoples faces!

At Weddings if your the wrong side of 25, single + athletic this means your in the armed forces....unfortunately middle class categorization never really work for me ....I work with Kids and publish treatise on Drinking Games. For me no category exists so I'm on the table with the students, wanna be legal killers (usually my cousin Tim) and a bit too young 'do be careful NOT to talk to nick' members of the family. Generally it's a huge over site by the wedding planner! I tend to stir up some overly loud game or instigate high jinx with exactly the type of guests on my table that love it!

At Johns wedding I didn't need to encourage anything I was in Lash heaven...highlights included head stands on the dance floor, doing the lake scene in Dirty Dancing with a Cavalry Officer (me catching him), challenging people to 'Strawpedo-Offs' at the bar, chinning Turbo Vinto with my Dad and chatting up a very busty bar maid behind the tent....after leaving the bar maid (you can imagine just how bad my chat was) I headed to the coach...and then as they say in Sweet Home Alabama 'the music died'.....apparently (I can only recount from other witness statements in the cold light of day) the coach included more sobber people than I, so me rocking-up with two bottles of 'father-of-the-bride-wine' and chinning half at bottle at the front was not a good first introduction to the coach...neither was singing songs that should have been forgotten the day I stepped of my last university sport bus, plus later, offering my dad off for a fight. I really can't remember much as I didn't leave the coach with two bottles of wine (I can deduce that).....I WAS IN DISGRACE! So the next day I made the necessary phone calls to the Groom (who had told me to “shut the fuck up” on the evening but noted that it was funny when you (i.e. me) offered 'Peacy' (my dad) off the coach for a fight). I later wrote a letter of apology to the father of the bride (throwing myself and my family name on their mercy) who was a great sport and wrote back as part of his letter “we were prepared for a degree of high spirits (and weren't disappointed)”. Legend.

At Robs Wedding I realized that I'm actually encouraged to drink by my pariah like status. It's like a two fingers up to the olds/establishment. When there are loads of young people I under achieve on the lash. I was very happy with the drinking games at the pub (thanks to Mel and Jack) where we played Down The River but this left me in no fit state to last out the night and I sloped off into the darkness of the Gloucestershire countryside to walk the three miles back to my parents house. I had offered everyone back to mine...which just before a fantastic groom speech appeared a desperate cry for company in bed! The bestman speech was also classic employing props and a photo of Rob 'the fat mouse' naked at SGP.

I must end by saying that although I'm giving you one sided story here, the other was two fantastic days of memorable moments and all very romantic. YUK!

Please invite me to another I swear I've changed.......!!!

Really?

Next up G and Oli, oh dear!!! I do love to see the look in a mans eyes as they get sent down...haha!

G recently said to me “I want a nice stag do....where I don't have to chin stuff”....I said “don't think you get to decide G”. I then suggested that he'd need to 'Enema' (fluid suppository taken via the anus) some spirits on the Stag....he didn't look happy!

Want to know some games to instigate at a wedding click here

A summer 'to be and not to be' forgotten....

I've been rather rubbish at updating this blog of recent....I'm a fair weather blogger that is to say if it's fair weather I'm not inside!

Therefore this is a resumè of a summer led by Lash!

Notable for two Stag dos one in Worcester and one at The Secret Garden Party....Oh and the subsequent weddings!

One I'd describe as a gentleman weekend and the other as three days of dark sadistic debauchery.....both were colored by fancy dress, drinking games and a fixation on smashing in outrageous dance moves.

The Stag in Worcester

Let's cover Worcester, it was late June....wasn't my idea of an ideal location for a Stag do but on the plus side.... my brother lives there so stashing kit was easy. Nevertheless, I had opted to pay for hotel even though could have stayed at my Bros. LESSON 1: always ensure you 100% committed! Having his house near did mean that I could add extreme sports to the stag lash so i decided to dehydrate myself nicely (+ cure my hangover on way back) via cycling from Bristol to Worcester to start the Weekend....all very pleasant! You're thinking: “didn't you go out in Lycra?” Well no, I'd given clothes to my Dad take up....if I had thought about it this was a bad idea if he was buying into the whole Stag banter! However imagination was clearly lacking as to my surprise I turned up and was handed the very clothes I'd given him and not a gimp suit or Alice in Wonderland costume. I did get loads of gay jibs about wearing a wife beater that weekend.....anyway drinking games that were played were Titanic Pg 108 of The Lash (buy The Lash) and the ever present Arrogance Pg 26 (buy The Lash). My highlights were Bushwackers night club where I've never been so mobbed by women plus JP (the stag) winning the shooting in the middle of the Cotswolds dress as a saucey Nun (completely wrong with a massive hairly chest)

Want an event for your stag Do? Click here for more info

The Secret Garden Party Stag

This was a stroke of genius....all your mates (well, not really mine but I'd been invited along! After what we collectively went through I had made some new ones!) in a mindlessly absurd festival inhabited by fit well spoken and polite women were leisure activities generally were colored by roller disco, mud wrestling, swimming in a lake, swinging off vines into a ball pit (Jungle Massive!), dancing, doing hand stands and behaving like a monkey.....obviously mostly powered and/or in the search of alcohol! We had a group of 20-30 lads, so our camping area (at what is a small unique festival) would have put Xerxes' caravan on the invasion of Greece to shame. Therefore of course i was flying the flag with The Lash 12 ft Banner marking out our place. I did managed to make a few sales in the 30-35 minutes over 3 days my head realized I was in a Cambridgeshire field with a captive party market!

The Stag on the trip was Mr Grubb and I think Jack most accurately described him as a “riot shield” in your face and indestructible! This meant carnage for all involved. On the first day he was dress as a fox, and us, as hunters. We were charged with chasing him around the festival...when caught he was subjected to a funnel (via vuvuzela) and beaten......I found him many hours later like a mangy fox hiding in some random camping area, he had chain marks round his neck and hadn't been to sleep all night...slurring and making friends!!! arrrh....

Some of my favorite moments were Rob naked (well being forced to in front of the whole festival) because his wife to be was phoning him....
Rob coming out dressed as something between Greek warrior and He Man.....
Notable other fancy dress heros were The Joker, Unicorn come Angler Fish and The Crocodile along with to many others to mention....

There was also the Hatter Tea....which needs no explanation here....we like to keep it clean.

All in all a fantastic festival...I strongly recommend for a stag!

Want an event for your stag Do? Click here for more info

Chundered everywhere!

My attention as been raise to the comparison between Gap Yar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKFjWR7X5dU&playnext_from=TL&videos=WuxYisq5hBU

and what I used to discribe as The Cunder Rugga Bugga that the Lash was mockingly providing for:

check out Kerian bunder on The drinking games test evening:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=EuKFioZt2qE

Seemly bundering everywhere isn't new! BIG NIGHT ON THE LASH!

Nick

The Lash in Laos

Found out that The Lash has been spotted in Laos!

I recently went to my cousins birthday (Laura Graham) in London…there were many of her friends from Leed Uni prensent. I of course was a shrinking violent when it came to telling them about my book! lol. “By the way do you know I’m a famous author etc….!!!

Anyway one of the girls went off traveling and on Jan the 7th the following was posted on my cousin facebook wall

“hello you!! in sydney now and melbourne soon. had christmas in perth which was especially good, and thailand/laos were incredible but now a distant memory. definite highlight was tubing for a number of reasons; i shall divulge further…. biggest news to pass along is that whilst in laos sitting on a slow boat, a boy was telling me about this awesome book he got given for christmas called ‘the lash’. big lovexxx”
- Joanna Cook to Laura Graham 7/01/10 1.30pm.

How very random! I didn’t know the lash had gone that big!

World Cup drinking game

Sorry haven't been bloggin for a while to much business of drinking!

Here's a lovely little one for those that are enjoying The World Cup

The Lash’s World Cup Drinking Game
***************************
Brief description: Use the rules below to make a drinking game out of any World Cup game this summer!

Number of players: As many as you like.

Situation: Watching any game at The 2010 South African World Cup Finals.

Drinks needed: Any, but plenty of them! It’s best to get a few pints in so you don’t have to leave to order more. Trust me you’ll get through it all playing this game!

Difficulty: Easy

Intoxication level: High/Extreme

Shelf life: A whole tournament of lash

Playing
*****
Pick any player in any position on either team.

This is now your player for the game unless a red card, substitution or injury intervenes (in which case you simply pick another player)

You can have the same player as someone else playing the drinking game, it doesn’t matter.

General Rules
**********
First 45 minutes you must drink with your left hand/second 45 minute right hand drinking.

Everyone drinks if the camera goes to some famous person in the crowd (whether or whether not you know them) or focuses on the manager or team staff

If your player makes a foul or transgression drink half your drink.

If your player scores and is:
A goal keeper you order a 4 pint pitcher (of lager/cider) and finish it in one.
A Defender you finish all your drink.
A Midfielder/Striker half your drink.

Drink if your player takes a throw in/corner/free kick/penalty.

If your player is subbed/injured and has to leave the field of play finish your drink and pick another player.

Red card: finish your drink and pick another player.

Yellow carded finish half your drink.

When your player is on the ball you need to be downing your drink until they relinquish possession.

Everyone takes a drink every time the ref blows his whistle.

Half your drink if your player protest to the refereeing team (refere/linesman/3rd official).

Drink if you player berates another team member.

Drink if you player is involved in a goal celebration (i.e jumping on another player/congratulating/hugging etc.)

Rule on players positions
******************
1. Goal keepers

Drink when they make a save.

Drink when they have a goal kick.

Start downing your drink when they have the ball in their hands and only stop when they release the ball.

Drink if they punch the ball.

2. Defenders

Have a drink when they knock the ball out of play

Make a tackle.

Head the ball away from goal.

Hoof the ball up field.

3. Midfielders

Drink if they complete a pass to a team mate.

Drink half your drink if they give away possession via being tackled, making an incomplete pass or sending the ball out of play.

4. Strikers

Drink when they have an attempt on goal (even if it isn’t actually on target).

Half your drink if they dive or simulate.

Half your drink if they are caught offside.

The Year one Party in Oct 2009

The Lash launch night for The Lash was Oct 10th 2008 so in 2009 I wanted to go bigger and better! The venue was smaller, yes (Halo, Gloucester Rd Bristol) but if packed would it would rock! I had an awesome D-step/Deep house Dj called Bevan Ward of thinkdeeprecords. As promo for the night i'd made the first two hours request music via a charity text juke box. This ensured everyone got something they wanted to hear for £1 per song to NSPCC before Bevan dropped some heavy bass and the R&B destiny child crew started winging! The text juke box was a success with over 30 songs texted in. What wasn't such a success was my speed learnt roady skills. I borrowed the sound system Bevan plugged his CCJs into from a DJ friend who was unfortunately for me in Hawaii. I hired a amp which had 'male' (male are a fitting that goes in and 'female' a receptacle) leads coming out of it and it was sod law that Bevan CCJs had 'male' fittings and I had a massively gay situationo on my hand that meant we couldn't run the central speaker. I ran around like a crazy man up and down gloucester road explaining the situation to every pub DJ I could find. After the 3rd funny man had said the now familar "male to male adapter that's a bit gay"! I'd had enought I launched the music after a brief thanks to everyone for coming. Fucking hell did they come! There must have been 120 odd people at one point during the night which in a 60-100 person venue is fuckin rammed! I'd asked everyone that had contributed to the book to sign a very special copy that went to the winner of the text juke box competition. I was gutted this was actually the person with the worst taste in music there. James Mash hang your head in shame! I hadn't realized but as the night was going so swimmingly my credit was good at the bar! O'dear this meant Leffe by the pint! Everyone seemed to be having a top night, i'd even managed to set the night on the Ceran (a previous International school employer) reunion and thus there were loads of european languages intermingling with the untranslatable Bristolian! After getting suitably fuct i had a team of helpers strip out the sound equipment and take it back to mine. The perfect crime! The night had been a great success and I'd covered my cost + raised £40 for NSPCC....little did I know but my night wasn't over and it was to include later a dead animal fancy dress party which I spilled out of as the sun was coming up! Legendary!

The Lash in London

I recently went to my cousins birthday (Laura Graham) in London. There were many of her friends from Leed Uni present (medical students) . This was a fuckin' awesome trip to see 'Lady in Black' at a West London Theatre. I soon had found my solemate, 6ft 4inch and where in Jerry street shirt! His name was Jezza and he knew how to lash! We hit up the free ambrosia (free wine) left by the girls how were over eager to make the theatre on time. I can't make a critic on the show as I could bearly make out the stage through my drunken haze!

Later on we returned to Laura Hampsted pad (talk about the student experience!) Most of the girls made an early exit to bed but there was an exception that out stayed your truely here name was Jo. I of course was a shrinking violent when it came to telling them about my book! lol. "By the way do you know I?m a famous author etc?.!!!?

Anyway Jo of the girls went off traveling and on Jan the 7th the following was posted on my cousin facebook wall

"hello you!! in sydney now and melbourne soon. had christmas in perth which was especially good, and thailand/laos were incredible but now a distant memory. definite highlight was tubing for a number of reasons; i shall divulge further?. biggest news to pass along is that whilst in laos sitting on a slow boat, a boy was telling me about this awesome book he got given for christmas called 'the lash'. big lovexxx?"

- Joanna Cook to Laura Graham 7/01/10 1.30pm. How very random! I didn?t know the lash had gone that big! Haha. Thanks Jo

The Lash is now an international seller!

Chilled evening on Sammy Bs + Birmingham get’s hit hard by The Lash

C’est long de temp depuis nous avons parler ensemble (It’s been along time since we have talked together!)

The end of August saw some crazy weekends. On the 22^nd I was surprised by a flash visit from Paris by my friend Kerian (my partner in crime at Uni) + his girlfriend Hannah. He came with Mr. Ware in-tow (Birmingham RL social sec after I left the club) and I had invited the sexy Miss K (a new acquaintance from a night of Dub step in Bristol 6/08/09). It was going to be messy as Kerian and Mr. Ware had come loaded with alcohol and I as usual had seriously over estimated the amount of drink I needed. This lead to us having a small cache of booze for a couple of hours pre-drinks before heading out to an acoustic gig at the Louisiana. The game of choice to ensure everything wet went was Pyrimid Cheat. Hasten to say we turned up at this ‘chilled’ event F-U-C-T and made a bit of a scene after ordering Sambucas and Jagger along with ciders at the bar and proceeding to cheer each mellow song as if we we’re watching The Prodigy at this years Reading Festival. We returned home to a game of Gauntlet on the roof under the flood light of a lamp. The game’s director was the militant Mr. Ware sporting a red dressing gown. Being a true romantic Kerian bought some ‘cheesey poofs’ (a-la Cartman from South Park) and headed to bed with his Misses (my bed by-the-way). I was left to indoor camp with Miss K, and god knows what became of Mr. Ware!

THE BLACK DEATH CAME and I was ill between 3^rd Sept – 20^th Sept I was bed bound and still wasn’t completely right with the onset of a big week for the book, Freshers 2009 at Birmingham University. I was the guest of Birmingham University at the Munrowe Sports Fayre . I turned up with Mr. Ware (Sales and Marketing Executive!) to meet Aiden Oakly, University Rugby League Club Captain. They were up on the first floor and I had soon taken over The Power Kite society’s table next to the rugby…they had been grateful enough NOT to turn up. I launched the 8ft banner and my pirate enterprise was afloat. How lucky I was to dodge the Universities rule on NO BUSINESSES. Contacts and bullshit go along way!

I had a very successful morning of sales talking to all the sports clubs and especially to the social sectaries for all the clubs.

If you’re in Birmingham get your copy of the Lash from: Link TO DRINKS TO GO

I later met the Vice President of Birmingham Sport in the Bar. She said “I see you’ve managed to get you way into the sports fayre!” I quicky attempted a bribe “can I get you a drink Laura” Luckily she wasn’t going to say anything. I though that she had an eye for artistic flare and entrepreneurial zeal, but in truth it helped she was cool and I’d been to school with her brother (what a fucking sell-out, to the old school ties!).

I had just enough time to lead The Hill (East Terrace of the University rugby pitch) in a mega phoned song before me and Mr. Ware (rather pissed at this point) took to Birmingham town centre to run a drinking games event at ‘I Like Tom’s Mum’ @ Walkabout. On the way I managed to crash into the back of a stranger’s car which when you get out of the car in a t-shirt (followed by your pissed business partner) saying THE LASH it doesn’t look good. Anyway after exchanging details (my Lash business card) we made the event and I realised that if Mr. Thomas Ware had brought him mum we’d have had free drinks all night…I really have to talk to him a bout his commitment to the company!

The highlight of the event was that I made Aiden sick on my arm and Mr. Ware’s shoes. We have a picture of the ladies winner

….but in true champion style the men’s winner was far too pissed to be contacted. The Lash four drink challenge claimed a good many victims…see http://thelash.wolfridgepublishing.co.uk/index.php/archive/the-lash-4-pint-challenge-put-on-trial-brum-freshers-09/ for the rules.

Next time on The Lash, nick’s year one party goes off with over 100 guests….I wish I could remember it!

Brother gets hitched and i get rich!

I've been riding bikes since i was 3 or 4 and during my 20s became miliantly anti-car. I've cycled from Bristol to Spain beefore just for the craic, plus kicked off a few wing mirrors in my time! So it was a monumental day on the 19th July when i finally succumbed and bought a Fiesta, apparently called 'Charlie' (bit weird talking about riding in charlie because i work with one!). I got it off a mate and before seeing it had ideas that it would be a rust bucket...so I'd made tentative enquires with a local graffiti artist to cover it in 'THE LASH' logo! However, to my surprise it turned out to be a little beauty and now i have plans to make it purrrrr by treating it to an oil change and t-cut bath. Check out new car:

Charlie has had an immediate impact on sales as it helped me reach those book shops that were a little too far to cycle to or those in need of more book than i could physically carry. Thus on Tuesday the 21st July I made sales at Waterstones (The Mall), Bloom and Curl (Broadmead) and Booty (Broadmead) on a petrol-driven Bristol sales tour.

The 24th and 25th July was huge for me and the family. I only really reasiled what my brother gettting married meant on the Friday ceremony walk-through. Pretty stirring stuff...to see the fear in a condemned man's eyes (JOKES - my brother is so laid back he's horizontal). I'd been put in charge of organising the bar (never think that being good at drinking qualifies a person to organise a piss up) Check out the booze bus:

Luckily I'm rather militant with organisation aswell, so there was no other hitch than my brother's. I did take the opporunity to use the management of the reception bar as a base from which to sell the book. EVEN ON YOUR BROTHERS WEDDING? yep! Sales is sales! They rolled in and i rolled out of the marquee like the drinking game 'amy-wine-hands'. My rapscallion ways had even taken up part of the best man speach when he said "When Nick came to me and offered me a pint to promote his book I said no way, but then when he offered me 3 pints...(Bestman produces book) "The Lash the bargain of the night is available at the bar!"

The following weekend i spent being Bristol'a'fied (Bristol as a city runs some great civic events for everyone to get battered at!). Harbour Festival Sat 1st Aug - talked crap French and drank green grenades. Balloon Fiesta Sat 8th Aug. Inbetween these events I have a shameful confession. Me and Nate (my housemate) headed out for the opening night of Dubb step vs. Jungle at the Dojo Lounge, Bristol. We found the lash on the way there:

We had arranged to meet Caroline; a girl i got talking to at the harbour fes. She's a teacher in the army who's on leave for a month. To cut a long story short after lots of drinks and dance floor action we ended up at what we thought was her flat. She showed us to the most prestigious spirits cabinet i've ever had the pleasure of witnessing! Then she basically bossed us under the table with a bottle of Jaeger, Raspberry vod. and Sambucca. I can't remember much else other than both me and Dog (Nate) offering our services to her before he passed out holding the toliet as though it was all that stopped him from falling off Everest and i went face down on her lounge floor in my own vom. GREAT! Anyways, it turns out this was her parent's house and they came down to two strangers passed out in their house. One of which (me) had kindly left them a bowl of vommit in the kitchen. Haha! We now refer to Caroline as Ma'am. as she deserves repect when it comes to drinking...I felt like taking all my copies of The Lash round hers and saying "You are now in charge!"

I've organised my year one for the business party - Check it out http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/event.php?eid=110446408940 But between then and now we have the little thing of FRESHERS!

St. Paul's Carnival

On friday the 3rd July I had been invited to the home of one of my P.T. Clients (I work for a gym when not trying to be Felix Dennis*). The beer was great and I'd forgotten what it was to be in non student (well young professional company) i.e. the beers were served in glasses that had been bought and not smuggled like E.T. (under that t-shirt) from a pub beer garden. Obligatory, was a copy of The Lash. This went to the Cousins of my Patron: Seelva and Sevahn, both at the end of their European 'vacation'.  Obviously banter with any Amercia is guns (i.e. our populace is not armed to the teeth) especially those from The South. Sevahn had said that her dad feared for her safety at university and so had suggested a gun....I now definitely fear for her safety with a gun and armed with a copy of The Lash. I'd love to have footage of Yee'ha (Pg. 53) played by Texans. Please post to 'Cabonca' (a.k.a me) on Utube!

*Millionaire owner of Dennis Publishing a.k.a. Maxim Mag. + PC Mags. Made his money strangly from being a Bruce Lee buff. 

Saturday. Bristol at it's best! Grimmy and out there. ST PAULS CARNIVAL!!!! If you've never been, it's a must to know what Bristol is all about.  I made my way down to Portland Sq. for 6ish in bright sunshine bottle of wine in one hand and copy of The Lash in the other.  Me and the peeps (the cast from the book + illustrator and assorted friends) sat together on the grass. As always I was on the Business...taking copies of the book over to other groups in the square.  I even boss out a game for some complete randoms using my wine as the fine. They must have thought WTF! MOst of the rest of the night is a blur....I managed to get my bag nicked (well i left it on the street and when returned it wasn't there), so someone in St. Paul's has 6 copies of The Lash and 100 flyers....hope they appreciate art (lol.), plus generally I spent the next 6-8 hours raving to Drum and Bass, eating Jurk* Chicken and swilling Red Stripe!

*A type of spiced flavoring from Jamaica

The following Wednesday 15th Saw me do a deal with Merchant news near the Youth Hostel and Arnolfini on the Water front.  The sell started well as I walked in a met at the counter a passed customer I'd randomly sold too in Bottoms Up on the Gloucester Rd.  It seemed to good to be true and I suspected the proprietor smelt a set up.  Cutting to the chase he took 10 copies after very little persuasion and even wanted flyers and posters.  So if your on Bristol Harbor side anytime soon get down Merchant News as it is the Cheapest place to get a copy of The Lash in the shops!

 

My brothers Stagg

If you had a brother that wrote the ultimate guide to getting battered you'd think you'd be more careful than to do anthing as silly as get married...but clearly love is blind! In any case with the group of so-called-friends that my brother knows his little brother was the least of his worries. The stagg do was to be in West Wales were we considered it hightly likely that the lovely welsh locals would love twenty or so English lads in fancy dress robbin' their women and drinking there pubs dry.

We rocked up at the Mexican Hostel (Pantyrathro International Hostel & Mexican Bar) near Carmarthen. The priporitors name was Ken Knuckles which rhymed with my brothers nickname buckles. The hostel was well set up for Stagg dos with stark large tables perfect for Lashing on (i.e. big with loads of chairs and old enough not worry about damaging). The first drinking game that evening was one not in The Lash which basiscally utilised the a kids game called Topple (comparible to Jenga) to which we added drinking fines. The stadard fine for making the game pieces topple was a half of cider. The stagg do duely assembled and we decided that we'd eat at the hostel before heading into town. It was a large group and so there was only one thing for it...The Animal Kingdom (see pg. 130 of The Lash). The last time I had bossed this out was on a 21st in Dublin in 2007. A hit then and a hit now..great banter and team dynamics building.

This certainly got things off to a flyer and soon people were buying outragous shots and we'd not even hit town. From what I can remember of Carmarthen that first night I had an awesome time...pulling girls onto the dance floor and dancing like on a podium in Ibiza.

Next day....nursing hangovers the kill or cure was coasteneering! Forget water, coffee, or some avocardo smoothy, jumping off rocks inot the Irish sea cannot be beaten for it's medicinal properties! Paintballing in the afternoon that day led to the traditional gauntel run for the stagg! At this moment I realised that my brotherly love for Bungle (a.k.a. Ba'ho/Simon) was more caring than I antisipated...it kicked in after three seconds which saw him take aproximately hundred paintballs at point blank range. In his compulsory Super Woman costume he looked like he had a particularly virrial skin complaint.

The Sat night of lash saw us play Group Three In A Row Coin Flip (see drinking games tab at http://www.thelash.eu/) This was a new one on me and a new great for any subsequent book. We were all dressed as superheroes and there were some magic appearences incl. Duff man, Iron Man and Banna Man. I made everyone take the obligitory promotional photos with The Lash banner and even Ken Knuckles wanted some of our action cracking out his camera. The highlight of the eveing was doing a superhero parade in a Whetherspoons judge by some local girls and having a dance off with army girl hen night in Savannahs. I managed to end the night shoeless, thunderbird outfit devestated, completely lost and on my own! I rank it as one of the best!